Can You See?

I was doing it again. Second guessing myself. "I'm sorry" I blurted out. No, I didn't mean that. But, the truth was: I did. 

Where was all of this coming from? I wasn't sure in the moment. My brain wasn't processing the emotions fast enough for me to cipher every thought out. So, I just didn't. They (the thoughts) sat as almost if they were on strike. Not moving, not caring, and not helping. 

It's become clear to me that I care. I care too much what he, she, or they think. It's not bad to care what other's think, but when it determines how YOU FEEL about YOURSELF, it's crossed a line. 

I honestly can't pinpoint where it started or at what age. But, here I was, 25-years-old and overly cautious at what I said. 

Was I a bad person for thinking this way? No, in fact I know I am stronger for admitting it and bringing sub conscious thoughts forward, not matter how foreign it feels. 

This is me. Caitlyn. I'm ready to start a life journey of not searching, but SEEING the peace and a life void of all fear. 

Can it be down? I think so. That's why I named my blog (C) THE JOY> because joy is there. I know that in every action, thought, and situation joy can be at the forefront of the mind and the experience. 

I'm not like anyone else, yet I am in every way. I am unique in my eternal make-up but I experience the same joy, fear, and pain as my brothers and sisters in this life experience. 

We all have insecurities and we all have battles we are fighting. I've decided to document my desire to (C) THE JOY more clearly, every day. 

I'm thankful for my husband, Eric, who has helped me every day in seeing life in a beautiful perspective. I'm grateful for my family and friends who have been constant in my life. I'm especially thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ who, because of His sacrifice, makes my goal of eternal life possible. 

Can you (C) THE JOY? 
I can.